Dear Uncle Sam 
Author: johnmilton
Dear IRS,
Enclosed is my 2005 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes.
Please note the attached article from USA Today, wherein you will see the
Pentagon paying $171.50 for claw hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.
Therefore, ...I am enclosing four toilet seats (value $2400) and six claw
hammers (value $1029), bringing my total remitted to $3429.00.
Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund,"
as noted on my return. You can do this inexpensively by sending them one
1.5" Phillips Head screw (article from USA Today detailing how HUD pays
$22.00 each for 1.5" Phillips Head Screws are enclosed for your convenience.)
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to
paying it again next year.
Sincerely,
A Satisfied Taxpayer
--
Re: Your tax payment
Dear Taxpayer,
Uncle Sam is quite happy that you have sent your payment in a timely manner.
However we must send your payment back. In your haste to get us your
payment you have sent us the wrong seat. We no longer use seats
manufactured in foreign countries.
The hammers did not include proper paperwork to indicate they have passed
the proper drop test. Once these two measures have been taken care of we
will gladly accept your payment.
Remember all paper work is to be in triplicate and all envelopes must be
sealed with a drop of blood from your first born.
P.S.: Remember the deadline is fast approaching.
Thank You,
The IRS
February 2006 - 2:41pm | johnmilton | 
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Terry Tate - Office Linebacker Author: johnmilton
A few years ago Reebok had a great series of commercials involving "Terry Tate - Office Linebacker". I just stumbled across these videos again today and was laughing like the first day I watched them. I figured I would link one of the movies here for your entertainment. Enjoy.
Has the world gone mad ? Author:
There are a couple of news events that I would like to comment on this week. Try as I might .. I just cant help but get upset by some of this crap. The first comment would be about people loosing their minds over a fucking cartoon. If these people choose to live in the ancient times and follow rules that belong in the stone ages than so be it, but dont tell the world they can't do it. Seriously these people are out of their fucking minds. Its a fucking cartoon you morons ... get over it!
The next business of bitching I would like to bring up is the Senate Hearings investigating the Governments Secret Wiring Tapping program. The Senate is currently questioning ALBERTO GONZALES the Attorney General of the United States. Its gets off to a great start. A certain asshole Senator from Pennsylvania decides .. yeah .. no need to put him under oath ... its just not needed. Why the fuck even have this committee then? What in the holy shitpants do you nimrods actually think you will accomplish? I have an idea .. why not question the Easter Bunny next. By the way ALBERTO GONZALES never answered any questions in this meeting. He just stated I cannot answer that .. over and over again.
Here is the transcript from the actually hearing:
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SPECTER: Well, Senator Leahy and I have not disagreed on very much in the more than a year since we've worked together as the ranking and chairman, and I think it's strengthened the committee.
And I did receive your request. And I went back and I dug out the transcript and reviewed Senator Feingold's vigorous cross- examination of the attorney general at the confirmation hearings.
And I know the issues as to torture, which Senator Feingold raised, and the issues which Senator Feingold raised as to searches without warrants.
And I have reviewed the provisions of 18 USC 1001 in the case involving Admiral Poindexter, who was convicted under that provision; and have reviewed the provisions of 18 United States Code 1505, where Oliver North was convicted. And there are penalties provided there commensurate with perjury.
And it is my judgment that it is unnecessary to swear the witness.
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Isn't it our responsibility to question our Government? Isn't it in the Constitution? I guess it is .. as long as they are allowed to lie.
Post-it Note Prank Author: johnmilton
We have a tradition of usually doing something "special" for the boss on his birthday. Alot of people took part in this special present for him involving 3800 post-it notes. We took a couple pictures and I have made a small four part image to try and show all the damage. You can find the full size pictures located at the link below this picture.
Click HERE for more fun and larger images.
The Art of War Author: johnmilton
The 2006 Presidential State of the Union address was a return to his past. President Bush delivered a speech full of quotes that show his future plans within the next year. The plans include ... you guessed it ... war. Lets hear some quotes from his speech. I will include a link to the full transcript as well.
"Liberty is the future of every nation in the Middle East, because liberty is the right and hope of all humanity. The same is true of Iran, a nation now held hostage by a small clerical elite that is isolating and repressing its people."
"Dictatorships shelter terrorists, feed resentment and radicalism, and seek weapons of mass destruction. Democracies replace resentment with hope, respect the rights of their citizens and their neighbors, and join the fight against terror."
"Every step toward freedom in the world makes our country safer, and so we will act boldly in freedom's cause."
"No one can deny the success of freedom, but some men rage and fight against it. And one of the main sources of reaction and opposition is radical Islam -- the perversion by a few of a noble faith into an ideology of terror and death."
"The same is true of Iran, a nation now held hostage by a small clerical elite that is isolating and repressing its people. The regime in that country sponsors terrorists in the Palestinian territories and in Lebanon -- and that must come to an end."
"The Iranian government is defying the world with its nuclear ambitions -- and the nations of the world must not permit the Iranian regime to gain nuclear weapons. America will continue to rally the world to confront these threats. "
"Lacking the military strength to challenge us directly, the terrorists have chosen the weapon of fear. When they murder children at a school in Beslan or blow up commuters in London or behead a bound captive the terrorists hope these horrors will break our will, allowing the violent to inherit the earth. But they have miscalculated: We love our freedom, and we will fight to keep it."
You can read his full speech transcript here ... http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/01/31/sotu.transcript/index.html
