Cheaters Never Win 
Author: johnmilton
You have all heard the old expression "cheaters never win". Well lets watch and see what happens when a TV Reporter tries to cheat in a grape stomping content. I must warn you .. its possible to fall off your chair laughing at this video, so hold on tight. Now lets join the LIVE television news broadcast already in progress. Download is approx 14Meg.
December 2005 - 12:39pm | johnmilton | 
| 
Santa on COPS Author: johnmilton
Watch Santa get pulled over on COPS during his Holiday Rush. You know you think they would cut Santa a break? We will have to watch and see what unfolds. Due to the Graphic Nature of COPS, Viewer discretion is advised.
Merry Christmas Author:
Merry Christmas to all ... and to all a good night !
Impeach King George ! Author: johnmilton
I cant even for the sake of argument comprehend why anyone would have voted this asshole back into office in 2004. It really is beyond anything I can understand. I blame you! I say "Whats Wrong With This Country? YOU ARE! If you are going to allow your leaders to boldly lie to your face, take away all your rights, profit from a war on oil, invade, occupy and overthrow a country, spy on our own citizens, allow propoganda to run your lives, watch 24 hours of FOX News with Bill O"Reilly and buy his books for children (so you can begin brainwashing them at an early age), then you are all fools. Do something about it. Stand up for your own constitutional rights and take control of your government. Get rid of the bad seeds and be proud of your country again! Use your patriotism for more than just hanging flags blindly on your porch while letting our government do unspeakable things to people (you know like the torture at the many military prisons we have all over the world). Stop the intimidation. Start standing up for what you want this Country to be .. The United States of America! Land of the Free, Home of the Brave!
Visit the website to ImpeachBush.Org and make your voice heard.
http://www.impeachbush.org -- Click Here
Visit the website "The Four Reasons to Impeach Bush"
http://www.thefourreasons.org -- Click Here
MSNBC Impeachment Story -- Spying, the Constitution -- and the 'I-word"
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10561966/ -- Click Here
Visit the Impeachbush.tv for information on How-To Impeach Bush
http://www.impeachbush.tv/ -- Click Here
By the way .. for all the people out there that will begin to call me Anti-US .. you are the biggest fools of them all. I want the US to be a proud country again. Im proud of our troops and support them 100%. I don't however think like a sheep ... and Bah Bah graze in the fields all day while the sheppard rapes me on the edge of a cliff. Think, Investigate, Ask Questions, Question Authority! Protect your Rights! American and Proud of it!
The Dodge Tomahawk Author: johnmilton
Leave it to Dodge to find new and amusing ways for people to reach their Ultimate Goal of achieving a special place on the Yearly Darwin Awards. Not only did they create a very stylish new coffin design, they made it so you had to be a member of the lucky sperm club to buy them. Just Imagine spending a little over $550,000.00 to kill yourself. Wow!
0-60 mph: 2.5 seconds (est.)
(Some estimate 1.9)
Top Speed: 300+ mph (est.)
Read all the juicy details at the Allpar website
My Christmas List for Hi Guy! Author: johnmilton
I dont normally display what types of gifts I give to people I know. But I figured I would show you what I would love to get for a person I will just refer to as "Hi Guy". Those of you that know me personally will probably know immediately to whom I speak about. So with out further introduction .. The Three Things that I would give to Hi Guy!
The first item on my list would be this book. Its called CYA for IIS. Now I dont personally believe anyone in their right mind should be running a windows server, especially for a large business, but since Hi Guy does .. here is the top of the list. Since you refuse to actually listen to anyone, ignore the obvious and make retarded half-witted comments about topics you obviously know nothing about ... this book might help you. Now all you have to do is buy hooked on phonics. By the way, the number is 1-800-ABCDEFG.
The second item on my list would be a mate for you. Now since I need to keep your dating in your own species I figured you would really like this new piece of ass. I seriously doubt you would have to get your new date drunk first or provide roofies, but it might not hurt either. This nice piece of tail is ready and waiting for you to "Hi Guy" "Hi Guy" "Hi Guy" all night long. Just be sure you turn off your webcam first ... not even the discovery channel wants that type of documentary on special mating rituals.
Well I hope you enjoy all your presents, and have a very Happy and Festive New Year!
Bye Guy!
Pet Sickness Author:
We have three dogs now living with us in Florida. They all have been trying at times with some behaviour problem or another, but for the mostpart they have all been really good. Now I have a dog that is paralized from the "waist" down from a disc problem in her back. Let me tell you...this is sucking the life out of me watching her lay there and not be able to move. This really really sucks. The vet tries to tell us in the Gupta Indian voice of his that everything is going to be ok and she should start walking by Monday, well it's fucking Monday already and there she lays in the den. Now I'm getting pissed off and starting to wonder if the vet was only attempting something that didn't have much chance of working.
There is nothing worse than having a pet sick, your heart goes out to them and for some reason they are like children.
Get better Shiloh.....get better soon.
toothpick
Liar Author:
The Penta-Lawn 2000 Author: johnmilton
This site is an oldie, but a goodie. Its one of those websites that makes you mad and laugh outloud at the same time. Im not sure who the brain surgeon was that thought this up, but its classic. The theory behind the website is that a plane couldn't have crashed into the Pentagon on 9/11 because there was no debris left on the front yard. Its a classic read.
You can visit the website HERE
Try to read it in your best "Infomercial" voice.
Friends of the Monster Author: johnmilton
If you spend any amount of time on this site, you will notice that many authors have written entries on this page. I know all of these people in "real life" and are friends of mine. I will continue to try and keep this list updated as I add further authors. I will not go into details of the authors. If authors wish a BIO to be given, please email it to me.
Johnmilton = Well its me.
Toothpick = Currently married and living somewhere in Florida.
Ruger = Married and living in Ohio.
Themom = Married and living in Ohio.
Rhy = Single and living in Illinois
Whysyn = See his Bio Located at: Eric Speaks
MMORPG Platinum Sales Author:
The Death of Dimebag Author: johnmilton
December 8th, 2005 is the one year anniversary of the death of Pantera/Damage Plan guitarist "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott. He is truly missed and is a shame that his life was taken so senslessly. Rest in Peace Brother Darrell! We all miss you. So pick up your favorite Pantera or Damage Plan album ... roll a joint for dimebag ... and celebrate his life!
I'm Broken - Far Beyond Driven
Mourn the day, the absence of our faces, living, laughing,
Eyes awake. Is this too much for them to take?
Too young for ones conclusion, the lifestyle won.
Such values you taught your son. That's how.
Look at me now. I'm broken.
Inherit my life.
One day we all will die, a cliched fact of life. Force fed
To make us heed. Inbred to sponge our bleed. Every
Warning, a leaking rubber, a poison apple for mingled
Blood. Too young for ones delusion the lifestyle cost
Venereal Mother embrace the loss. That's how
Look at you now. You're broken
Inherit your life.
http://www.dimetribute.com/
http://www.damageplan.com/
http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/12/09/nightclub.shooting/
Buying Online Author: Rhy
The Politics of VoIP Author: johnmilton
In the old days of telecom, our Federal Government set aside a group of phone companies that would service the entire United States. They gave each company a geographical area to cover and allowed them to operate as a Monopoly based on the rules the Government set aside for them to use (called Tarriffs). As time moved on .. some geographical areas flurished more than others, and depending on what areas your monopoly owned directly effected how many circuits you would sell. So these telecom companies started buying others and making their territories larger, in turn, increasing profit.
The Federal Government finally saw that this process was hurting the consumer .. so they broke up the Ma Bell monopoly into many different Bell companies. The names still exist today ... take a look at your phone bill ... SBC (Southwest Bell Corporation), Bell South, Nevada Bell, etc. etc. etc. These companies enjoyed a long lasting monoploy until ... (insert drama music here) Cell Phones hit the market. The Incumbent phone companies soon began to realize they might be in trouble. So they sent their army of lawyers and lobbyists to war for them. They quickly argued that if someone would dial 9-1-1, that a cell phone couldnt identify where they were located. So they attempted to force laws to regulate 911 service on cell phones using GPS. These changes would require the cell phone companies to comply with the law, and ensure their phone service was 911 compliant, and in the process spend millions (if not billions) of dollars to build the technology to actually support it. This would have doomed the cell phone industry except ... the government gave the industry seven (7) years to comply.
The Cell phone companies never did anything to comply with this order. They attempted to make as much money as they could for the next 7 years and slowly sold all their networks to guess who .... the incumbents! Can you hear me now? Good! Now that the incumbents own most of the cell phone companies they are back to the controlling monopoly that they grew to love and enjoy. By the way .. the 7 year deadline has passed on cell phones .. about 8% of the total amount of cell phone users are 911 compliant. But since the incumbents own the cell phone industry .. well .. you get the picture, they will just ignore that and continue with business as usual.
Now that VoIP technology has broken onto the consumer battleground a new enemy exists. The incumbent phone companies see VoIP as the incumbent killer. It has the means to replace everyones phones .. including residential home users with (gasp) cheap VoIP phones that have (choke) unlimitied free long distance. Once again the army of lobbyists and lawyers were released, this time with veteren war experience.
The battle went to Capital Hill and the Incumbents and their army of lobbyists waged the same tactics as before .. 911 regulations on VoIP phones! This time ... the law was passed .. to force VoIP companies to comply with regulations that are impossible to actually accomplish. The technology for the type of 911 regulations dont even exist at this time. On top of that, the restrictions are harsher than what Incumbent phone companies and cell phone companies have to follow themselves. They had the VoIP companies right where they wanted them ... and then placed the Nail in the coffin ... 90 days to comply.
90 days for Voip to Comply. 7 years for Cell Phones to Comply.
Guess who is winning the war?
I only have two questions that the American People should demand the Federal Courts to answer ...
1. Does the FCC have any authority on VoIP technology and regulations?
2. Based on prior precident .. why do VoIP companies not have the same 7 years to comply with 911 ?
Aeon Flux for the win ! Author: johnmilton
Charlize Theron has finally decided to be a hottie again .. and all I can say is Thank the Gods!! After her over-bloated makeup movies that had her playing big fat serial killer prostitutes that hate men (which is really hard to jerk-off too) she has finally gone back to the basics that made her the star she is today .. her looks.
What else could you possibly ask for in a movie? A hot chick dressed in sexy clothes that runs around killing people in absolutely violent ways with really cool assassin weapons. I mean who needs a plot? If you dont believe me .. look at Tomb Raider movies .. LOL. So before I even see this movie I just wanted to show my appreciation for a job well done ... I love you Charlize!
Visit the official website at : http://www.aeonflux.com/
Lag From the Past Author: johnmilton
I have posted some of the old glorious moments from the many past lagmonster.com sites that I have created over the years. As I locate more lost archives I will link them as well. I have dedicated a special place on the site for these files, located on the right hand menu. Many of these sections of old websites have still been up for many years, they were just not linked off the main website any longer. Look under "Surf the Monster" to locate them.
The Metallicrap flash movies were made around the time of the original Napster lawsuit. As we all know Metallica played a big part in that internet scandel. I laughed as I watched these movies remembering why I used that email address "larsblowsgoats@kidrock.com" At the time Metallica was on Tour with Kid Rock, and Kid Rocks website just happened to be giving away "free e-mail addresses". So of course I had to sign-up for one. I havent checked that email address in about 3 years and I'm not sure it even still exists, so please dont send mail to it unless you don't want me to read it .. hehe. Also .. this movie holds a special place in my heart as it was my first ever attempt at using flash back in 2000. The Metallicrap Part II movie is linked at the top of the page, and the voice of Lars is none other than "Toothpick" ... who posts on this site quite regularly. I also left all the original hate mail that it generated at the bottom of the page. If you didnt believe me that Metallica was Crap back in 2000 ... do you believe me now ?
The Malcolm X Stamp movie is a phoney phone call to the United States Post Office, complaining about the new "Stamp" they were releasing. I have watched many peoples reactions when listening to this prank call .. and I have never seen anyone not laugh their ass off. Someone asked me if Crank Yankers ever used this call on their show, and to be honest Im not sure .. Im not a big fan of it (never watched it actually). Another great side-note on this movie .. I mis-spelled "Malcolm X" in the flash of the movie ... so I feel like a retard every time I watch it. LOL.
The flash movie "Angels & Insects" is a PapaRoach song. I liked the lyrics so much that I just began synching them up to the music .. the pictures that flash (like subliminal messages) was just an after-thought. This movie is still located on "New Grounds" as well as other flash movies I have made. I actually no longer had this movie in my archives so I had to re-download it from them. Thanks for still being around New Grounds :)
Anyways .. hope you enjoy :)
KoRn - See you on the other side Author: johnmilton
The much anticipated KoRn album is due for release on December 6th, 2005. I was lucky enough to have already heard this new album and would like to give you a preview of what you can expect from this great band!
Album: KoRn - See You on the Other Side
Track 1: Twisted Transistor
The album starts off kicking your ass from the very start. Im sure most of you have heard this song on the radio by now. Its a great song that has all the old KoRn qualities and a preview into the new direction of what the band has decided to take. I could listen to this song over and over again.
Track 2: Politics
The second song on the new album begins to show you the new sound KoRn has been working on. The lyrics could have been a little crazier for a KoRn style song .. Im guessing the record company had them change some of words. All in all its a track 2 song .. that keeps you interested in the rest.
Track 3: Hypocrites
The third song I believe is the hidden secret to the album. They sing about themselves as this album begins to make you say .. please, let this get better quick as you press "next" on your CD Player.
Track 4: Souvenir
Holy Fucking Christ. Stick your fingers in your ears and sing LA LA LA LA LA LA while running in circles. Sounds just like Souvenir.
Track 5: 10 or a 2-Way
By this time ... your just hoping for one more kick ass KoRn song. 10 or a 2-Way sounds like KoRn sat in the room while Marilyn Manson buttfucked Trent Reznor and they wrote a techno soundtrack to go with the video they filmed. Seriously bad stuff here.
Track 6: Throw me Away
You know .. if I would have followed their advice, I wouldnt have had to listen to the rest of the album. I really wish I would have followed this song title suggestion. But KoRn sings over and over again .. "Dont let them throw me Away !" So I went to grab another beer praying that KoRn would "show back up" on the album.
Track 7: Love Song
Not a bad song .. until the chorus. But its really hard to tell, since my ears are bleeding at this point.
Track 8: Open Up
Okay .. I have to admit, the moment this song began I scrambled looking to see how more tracks I had to suffer through. This is the point I seriously lost all hope for this album. I'm pretty sure watching Jessica Simpsons sister lip-synch would be more entertainment.
Track 9: Coming Undone
Yes I am coming undone and counting this song I still have to listen to 6 more tracks. This song actually has a pretty cool drum track ... and I call it a track because it sounds like a generic rap track beat. The drummer must have been in a heroin induced coma for this song. I know I would have been.
Track 10: Getting Off
"I'm getting off, I'm getting off, I'm getting off too you." Seriously ... if your still listening to this shit - turn it off. It isn't going to get any better. Seriously .. don't listen to another track. But if your anything like me .. keep hoping for the best and press the "skip" button.
Track 11: Liar
Fuck YEAH! Listen to that badass guitar riff. Great start to a song and the drum beat kicks your ass. Thank god .. its finally paid off! This is the turning point and KoRn is now alive! But the song never really takes off. Its a decent song, but nothing great. They even throw in the "trademark" KoRn growling rythem vocal solo ... but alas ... it might be too late to save this album.
Track 12: For No One
I have now looked around the room .. located a pencil .. and shoved it into my eye.
Track 13: Seen it All
hahahahahahahaha seriously .. this shit has now became funny. They couldnt have made a worse album if they let someone else write it for them. Hmm .. wait ... maybe thats what they did. Lets fucking hope this is the case. Because its definatley not KoRn.
Track 14: Tearjerker
I can't really give that good of an opinion of this song .. as 45 seconds into it .. I removed it from my CD player and broke it in half.
In Closing:
I have always been a great fan of KoRn. I love their music and admire the band for influencing a new genre in rock n roll. I will try and erase this crap from my memory and wait patiently for another try from KoRn.
